Bart Simpson's Lessons

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A collection of lessons from Bart Simpson over the years:

1990
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not draw naked ladies in class.
I will not waste chalk.
I am not a 32 year old woman.
Garlic gum is not funny.
They are laughing at me, not with me.
I will not skateboard in the halls.
I will not instigate revolution.
Tar is not a play thing.
I did not see Elvis.
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
I will not trade pants with others
I will not yell 'fire' in a crowded classroom.
I will not encourage others to fly.
I will not Xerox my butt.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.

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1991
I will not sleep through my education.
I will not cut corners.
I will finish what I sta___.
The Christmas pageant does not stink.
I will not sell school property.
I will not get very far with this attitude.
I will not do anything bad ever again.
I will not make flatulent noises in class.
I will not belch the national anthem.
I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not show off.
I am not a dentist.
Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
High explosives and school don't mix.
Underwear should be worn on the inside.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
I will not squeak chalk.

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1992
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
A burp is not an answer.
My name is not "Dr. Death".
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
I will not spin the turtle.
I will not fake seizures.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not spank others.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.

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1993
I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call.
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will not eat things for money.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
Goldfish don't bounce.
I will not call the principal "spud head".
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
I will never win an emmy.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.

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1994
No one is interested in my underpants.
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
My home work was not stolen by a one-armed man.
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of major
league baseball.
Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
I will not dissect things unless instructed.
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
I will not send lard through the mail.
Ralph wont "Morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.

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1995
The boys room is not a water park.
No one wants to hear from my armpits.
I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
This is not a clue ... or is it?
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it.
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
Nerve gas is not a toy.
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
I will only do this once a year.
The first amendment does not cover burping.
Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the
principal.
I will not hang donuts on my person.
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
I will not strut around like I own the place.
I will remember to take my medication.
I will not mock Mrs Dumbface.

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1996
I am not certified to remove asbestos.




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