The Top 16 Signs Your Doctor's Degree Is Bogus (Part II)

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16> Your gynecologist begins every exam with a hearty "Open sesame!"

15> His diploma states that he holds a "Doctor of Love" degree from Beaver State University.

14> He decides to share his "lubrication is for wussies" theory just before your prostate exam begins.

13> Closer inspection of his diploma reveals the "As Seen on TV" logo and Sally Struthers's signature.

12> His office is his '75 Nova and he invites you to the back seat for some medical marijuana.

11> He insists that the most important parts of a pelvic exam are "looking and tasting."

10> Colin Powell authenticates his diploma by reviewing it on a large projector screen, pointing out conclusive evidence of its authenticity.

9> Prostate exams should not include shots of tequila "to loosen you up a bit."

8> As you remove your shirt at his request, your dermatologist screams, "Yuck!! Is that a mole?!?"

7> He has a copy of "Dre's Anatomy" on his shelf.

6> Concerning your 103-degree fever and hacking cough, Dr. al-Sahhaf says, "The infidel viral dogs have never entered your gates. The sounds you hear are the screams of them committing mass suicide at your sweat glands."

5> He tells you it's cheaper to make your own colostomy bag with Ziploc bags and duct tape.

4> After giving you a rectal exam, he insists on lying next to you on the exam table and whispering the results in your ear.

3> When you tell him you think you have a staph infection, he says, "Hell, bring 'em all in -- I could use the extra business."

2> Asks if you've considered "putting Grandpa down."

1> Spends all 13 hours of labor shouting "Can you hear me now?" between your wife's legs.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]




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