Semeiotic Chain Mail

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Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity,
fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and
guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters
sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them
on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on
her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the
travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000?

How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page
and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the
magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message
is a big F*CK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing
better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe
the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment
and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which
was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country
by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the
year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for
longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your
closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human
being will somehow receive a nicke from some omniscient being"
forwards about 90 times. I don't f*cking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your
own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:

* (scroll down)

* Make a wish!!!

* No, really, go on and make one!!!

* Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

* Wish something else!!!

* Not that, you pervert!!

* Is your finger getting tired yet?

* STOP!!!!

* Wasn't that fun? :)

Hope you made a great wish:)

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all,
if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you
will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into
a pile of manure. It's true!

Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one
is TRUE!!

Really!!! Here's how it goes:

Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on
your life.

Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at
you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your
house.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

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Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is
a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no
arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life
could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a
dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless
Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and
remember, we have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of bullshit.

So go on, reach out.

Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder
- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die
instantly.

Thanks again!!

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Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then
and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the
next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Bizarre Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She
had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then
tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was
gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying
out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.

This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

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The point being?

If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you
shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper
in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant
for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll
receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like
Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise
you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.




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