New Computer Viruses!

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John Bobbit Virus--
Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)

•Oprah Winfrey Virus--
Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.

•Politically Correct Virus--
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".

•Right to Life Virus--
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

•Government Economist Virus--
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

•Federal Bureaucrat Virus--
Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

•AT&T Virus--
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

•MCI Virus-- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.

•Sprint Virus--
Every 3 minutes it tells you that it's better than the AT&T and MCI Virus.

•PBS Virus--
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

•Health Care Virus--
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong with it, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

•New York Jets Virus--
Makes your Pentium II 266 MHz computer perform like a 12 MHz 286 computer.

•LAPD Virus--
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".

•O.J. Virus--
Claims that it did not, could not, and would not delete two of your most important files and vows to find the virus that did it.

•Ross Perot Virus--
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.

•Ted Turner Virus--
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

•Dan Quayle Virus--
Their is sumthing rong wit your're komputer, we jsut can't figyour out watt.




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