You know you're in a red-neck hospital when...

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Ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern.Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers.Dogs hang around O. R. for scraps.Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.Anaesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.Your Gynaecologist is Ernest.Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.Hospital food consists of picking your own corn on the roof.Immunisations are worn fanny-packs, full of lizard's feet, owl's beaks and pig's ears.Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it's shown on The Learning Channel.You have a choice of walkers, with or without a gun rack.You share the Recovery Room with a sick cow.The bill is figured either in dollars or chickens.



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