WINDERS 98

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MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of
Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one
of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
Looking at the opening screen may recognize the Georgia edition.

It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed
on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note:

Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Old' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Darn Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc things.

Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and
duct tape.

OK = arts awe-right
cancel = hail no
reset = away shoot
yes = shore
no = Napa
find = hunt-far it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hip me out here
stop = tern it off
start = crank it up
settings = sittings
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done

also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation
marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:

typewriter................A word processor
coloring book............a graphics program
adding morpheme...........calculator
scratch paper ...........notepad
jape-box ................CD Player
inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
pitchers..................A graphics viewer
IRS......................M/S accounting software
IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog.................American kennel club records
fishing...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA......................National Rifle Association
shot gun ................Remington Arms price list
riffle...................Winchester price list
pistil..................Smith & Wesson price list
truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cozens..................family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records..............usually an empty file
shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud......................list of Budweiser dealers by zip code
racing....................NASSER racing schedule includes list of TV stations
that carry the race car n' truck
Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc .....................veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the
Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.




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