The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

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The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has
decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hick phonics," as a language to be
taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the English/English
dictionary:

HEIDI -- noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

BARD -- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow'.
Usage: "My brother bards my pickup truck."

JUJU -- noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-anta.
Usage: "My brother from Juju bards my pickup truck."

MINTS -- noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Juju bard my pickup truck, and I isn't herd from him
in mints."

INERT -- adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native'.
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are inert!"

RANCH -- noun. A tool used for tight' in' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother
from Juju bard a few mints ago."

ALL -- noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Juju puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR -- noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Juju don't change the all in my pickup truck, that
things going to catch far'.

BASH -- noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and get back to work
(or studying), your bash is going to far you!"

TAR -- noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Juju don't get a flat tar in my
pickup truck."

TIRE -- noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD -- Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My gram paw retard at age 65."

TARRED -- adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-anta, and boy my arms are tarred."

FAT -- noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.

ARE -- pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS -- noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing' to fat for are rats."

FARM -- adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cud dint understand a word he seed... must be from some farm
country."

DID -- adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR -- noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breath ... give 'imp some ear!"

BOB WAR -- noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE -- Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Juju got a job with that bob war Fence
Company?"

HAZE -- a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze inert."

SEED -- verb, past tense.

VIEW -- contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I isn't never seed New York City... view?"

HEAVY DEW -- phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

GUMMITE -- noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummite boys shore are inert."




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