RedNeck Show And Tell

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Redneck Show and Tell

i asked people the question, "If you were a redneck, what would
you bring to school for Show and Tell?" Seeing as due to popular
belief, redneck children are required to attend school up until
their early teenage years just like the rest of us (even though
they may not make it far), here are the results of a brief
survey by me.Note that many replies are from biased citizens
from the North. I am sure there are some Confederate entries in
here somewhere, though. Here's our funniest responses (edited
for clarity):

For the 7 year old: a greased pig contest trophy.
For the 11 year old: your pa's gun.
For the 12 year old: one of your brothers.
For the 14 year old: your ma, cause she's purty.
For the 17 year old: your pickup truck, so you can show off your
cool dual exhaust to the rest of your 4th grade class.
A tooth brush that your one-toothed great grandpa made. If it
were made anywhere else in the south, it would have been a teeth
brush.
Pictures of your summer vacation in Bud's Tavern parking lot
that you took while Mom and Dad drank beer for two weeks.
The one person in your family who is your father, uncle, nephew,
and cousin all by marriage.
A mason jar of dad's homemade whiskey.
A cowpie clock made in sunday school last year.
Mom's recipe for turnip-squash casserole.
Roadkill from last night's hunt.
A tractor tire that killed your cousin.
Your lucky rabbit's foot, that your cousin had with him when he
got ran over by that tractor.
A pyramid made out of beer cans.
Your pet pot-belly pig, Bubba Joe.
Your string of teeth that you've lost over the past 35 years of
school.
A relative with a good full set of 4 or 5 teeth.
Your pet pig that was proudly named after mom, and the
accompanying homemade birth videotape made from right inside
your living room! (or should we say the front part of the
trailer)
Your pet goat.
Uncle Wilbur's chewed up tobacco that looks like a duck.
Daddy's "birds and bees teaching material" (Rawhide and Playboy
magazines)
A piece of pa's old moonshine still.
A possum skull from last nights dinner.
A diagram of your family tree, which actually is not
mathematically a tree, since it is cyclic.
Dad's belt buckle for bullriding, a family heirloom kept in the
china cabinet as the platter they use for turkey at Thanksgiving
and Christmas.
Your (or your brother's) tighty whiteys passed down from
Great-Grandpa.
Your children.
Your parents. Why not, they're in the same grade. Heck, they
might already be in the class.
Your Grandmother's army boots
Your redneck dog, with a redneck fish hanging out of its mouth.
Grandma's pantaloons, the ones you use as a swing.
Ten thousand legos.
Roadkill. That way you only have to carry one bag (lunch and
show and tell).
Your dad's old beat-up boots, flannel shirt, holey jeans, and
coon-skin hat.
Cousin "IT." Literally. Uncle Billy-Bob-Joe's kid (that he had
with his sister's dog's neighbor's owner's girlfriend's
hairdresser's daughter, who is Uncle Billy-Bob-Joe's wife's
mother.)
Used shotgun shell casings.
Pictures of your mother's/sister's (one and the same) wedding.
Souvenir from a NASCAR race.
Hand sewn KKK banners.
Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Your favorite entertainment system: your family's bug zapper!
Your first Playboy (or Playgirl) that you got at 3 1/2 years
old.
Teeth that the tooth fairy never picked up.
An aquarium, to show the class how you drown a fish.
A hubcap, to play fetch with your huntin' dogs.
The bouquet of flowers that you caught when your sister/aunt got
hitched to your uncle/cousin.
Your prize-winning pig.
Confederate flags.
A sheep.
Duct tape.
Your cow chip collection, paying special attention to the ones
that look like former presidents!




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