The Top 13 Overrated Things About Being a Rock Star

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13> Hanging out with the other rockers is all fun and games until somebody loses a nipple ring.

12> It was cool in the 60's, but now those are *elderly* women throwing their underwear on stage.

11> On the tour bus, your drummer always wants to play the "alphabet game."

10> Sure, you get to scream obscene lyrics, which is cool, but at the annual "Servant of Satan Fourth of July Picnic" you end up playing softball with a bunch of overweight congressmen.

9> The drugs, the groupies, the screaming fans are all great -- but *man* do the shoes hurt.

8> Groupies never want to just cuddle.

7> Wasted 16-year-olds aren't even that *good* at sex. And post-coital conversation? Forget about it!

6> Today: Girls screaming your name in orgiastic frenzies. Tomorrow: The Miracle Ear!

5> Sure, you get to bite off bat heads, but by the second set, you're hungry again.

4> "I happen to know a *lot* about rain forest deforestation! Why are you all laughing?!"

3> Groupie community spoiled by the sexual prowess of Gene Simmons.

2> Supermodel or not, boney thighs are boney thighs.

1> Sitting in the stall next to David Crosby.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]




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