Top 12 Homicides

---

Every year the FBI, is asked to investigate over 36,000 serious
crimes including Murder/Homicides. Every year the Homicide
Investigations Unit puts out its "Top 12 Homicides of the Year".

1. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with
a 20" long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husbands
strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged session
of "fun" she snapped, pushing all 20" of the vibrator into
Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused
severe bleeding.

2. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she
crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing
the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her
wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

3. Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8 year old
daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young
Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one
should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her
fathers coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip
and promptly collapsed. Samantha Stone was given a suspended
sentence as the judge felt she didn't realize what she was
doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same
method one month later.

4. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girl friend
after he attempted to "have his way with her" his unwelcome
advance was met with a double barreled shotgun. Charla's (the
girlfriend) father had given it to her an hour before the date
started, just in case.

5. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for
failing to pay his rent for 8 years. The Land lord Kirk Weston
clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized
just how long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

6. Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after
she wandered onto a live firing, fake town simulation. Seeing
all the troopers walking slow down the street Megan Fry has
jumped out in front of them and yelled. "Boo!" The troopers,
thinking she was a pop up target fired 67 shots between them,
over 40 of them hitting target. "She just looked like a very
real looking target." One of the troopers stated in his report.

7. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael
because she talked on the phone too long, Michael clubbed his
sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several
times with the broken arial.

8. Helena Simms, Wife to the famous American Nuclear Scientist
Harold Simms was killed by her husband after she had an affair
with the neighbor. Over a period of 3 months Harold substituted
Helena's eye shadow with a Uranium composite that was highly
radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she
suffered many symptoms,including total hair loss, skin welts,
blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off the
victim never attended a doctors surgery or hospital for a
check-up.

9. Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his "two timing
wife" by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar
to C4) the Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kgs
of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma
Bombing. The explosion was witnessed by several persons some up
to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or the victim were
ever found. Only a 55 meter deep crater, and 500m of missing
road.

10. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in
the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame,
for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard.
He would fire the jet engine, aimed at a empty block at the back
of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the
local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk
of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine
immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over "for a
cup of coffee and a chat" about the whole situation. What Winter
didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine,
as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a
blast of 5000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever
burning her outline into the driveway.

12. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin
brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the
family home after their parents' passed away. Conrad had a nasal
problem, and had no sense of smell. After the argument Brian
stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on
the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. Then left out
a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, "Sorry for the
spree, have a puff on me, Brian" Conrad promptly lit a cigar,
destroying the house, and himself in the process.




Previous: So that's what they do in the Navy...
Next: Dentist Jokes 5