The Top 16 Things Overheard During Saddam's Trial

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16> "Let the record show that the defendant has entered a plea of 'Not guilty by
reason of oppressive tyranny.'"

15> "Seventeen consecutive life sentences? You can do that time standing on your
head, big guy! No, really."

14> "Mr. Hussein, could you please tell the court why this goat looks at you so
fondly?"

13> "Call Rumsfeld, he'll vouch for me."

12> "Speaking of WMD, either we need air conditioning in this court room or
Saddam has to quit eating prison food."

11> "Your Honor, Mr. Hussein would like to present evidence implicating the
entire state of Florida as the true architects of the recent evil."

10> "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling
kids and that dog!"

9> "In Iraq, we understand that torture obtains information, murder instills
fear and respect, and attempted genocide puts down rebellions -- but 'Zabibah
and the King'? A completely inexcusable offense, you vile son of a dog!"

8> "We'll drop the charges if you'd just *please* tell us where a WMD is,
preferably right before the election."

7> "Word is that his name around the cell block is Shirley."

6> "Would jurors number 7 and 12 please put down the RPGs?"

5> "Well, yes, he does kinda look like Billy Joel, now that you mention it."

4> "He was found living in a hole and has been in prison ever since, yet he
*still* looks healthier than Cheney."

3> "I would never order the deaths of my fellow citizens. However, we did
respond in self defense after an epidemic of people charged our firing squads,
single file."

2> "Your Honor, the soldiers who found Mr. Hussein would like to apologize to
the court for not shooting him instead."

1> "Bail is set at 'when monkeys fly out of my butt singing show tunes.'"

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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]




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