The Top 15 Signs You're Seeing the Wrong Shrink (Part II)

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15> When you confide that you think you're Napoleon, he refuses to see you any more because *he's* Napoleon.

14> "Ph.D.? No. But I *did* stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

13> When he does word association with you, he replies to every one of your answers by screaming, "WRONG!!"

12> Makes you pay in advance when you confess to feeling suicidal.

11> The sex therapy with multiple random partners sounded like a good idea, but Dr. Pimp seems to think you need an awful lot of it.

10> She insists on classifying your out-of-control jealousy of Adrien Brody as "pianist envy."

9> "Well of course you're afraid of flying! There's wind shear, pilots flying drunk and the obvious terrorist threat! And who works on those planes -- some lazy union guy? If you ask me, only a certifiable nut job would put his faith in the..."

8> HotShrinkBabe69: WhAt WuZ yOuR cReDiT cArD # aGaIn?

7> Accuses you of having no respect for other people's rights or rules of our society. Which is, of course, why you killed your last shrink.

6> Bills you by the sneeze.

5> Swears that giving her weekly foot massages and pedicures will help you work through your claustrophobia.

4> You're a Freudian/Jungian, and he's a Springer/Montel.

3> No matter what your problem, he tries to comfort you by saying, "Hey, it could be worse -- you could be Corey Feldman."

2> "Tell me about your mother. Is she hot? What's she wearing?"

1> When you mention your compulsive-shopping habit, he tries to sell you the Dr. Laura bobblehead doll on his desk.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]




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