The Top 15 Indications You May Have the Bird Flu



15> Three times this week you've skipped work to hang out behind McDonald's and scrounge for fries.

14> You're very pale and your face looks like hell -- but now you have amazing basketball skills, too.

13> Your excruciating constipation can only be relieved when you perch yourself over the exit of the local drive-thru car wash.

12> You can't seem to keep your food -- or your middle finger -- down.

11> Your antics upstaging the happy couple as they left the church got you barred from the reception.

10> For the third straight morning you entertain onlookers by attempting to enter Starbucks through the big window.

9> Your Super Bowl tailgating party falls into a "V" formation.

8> The cats have been circling menacingly ever since you got home from the doctor's office.

7> You ask the pharmacist for the "Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, so you can bawk" medicine.

6> Nothing else could possibly explain why you just signed up for Arizona Cardinals season tickets.

5> Ordinarily you wouldn't be caught dead inside a seedy bar, but this week it sounds deliciously tempting.

4> You're suddenly overcome with the uncontrollable desire to mate with Calista Flockhart.

3> The kids are complaining about having vomit for dinner again.

2> You have a sudden irresistible urge to sit on Don King's head.

1> Hallucinating and sweating profusely, you let out a feverish, terrifying screech that scares everyone in sight -- and you're not Howard Dean.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]




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