The Top 13 Signs You Need Anger-Management Counseling (Part II)

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13> You solemnly vow that all those brats at Thomas Jefferson Middle School will pay *big-time* for that stomach ache you got from the band candy.12> You practice both yoga and tai chi to learn to gather your scattered rage and focus it on one person at a time.11> As the specter of prison time looms ever closer, your discarded-kite-string doilies are taking on a decidedly knotted look.10> The head of Human Resources begged you to start counseling immediately, but you think he was just nervous because of your Uzi.9> After Biff picks you up a half-beat late, you flip out and tell all your Up With People cast mates exactly up what orifice they can cram all that sunshine.8> When asked Do you want fries with that? you get out of the car and beat the crap out of the plastic clown.7> You give the finger so much, the you have to wear a court-ordered mitten.6> The last time you played Monopoly, someone had to have a metal dog removed from her eye.5> You cold-cocked Grandma when she burned the French toast.4> It's either that or the Oxycontin that makes you twitch uncontrollably whenever someone says the word Hillary.3> You got kicked off the debate team after one too many F*** off, ***hole! rebuttals.2> What kind of thick-headed sales-skank runs out of friggin' Thin Mints?1> Your defense against the charges of felony possession of a firearm and reckless endangerment of a child: That goddam Weeble wobbled, but it wouldn't fall down! [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]




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