ScoobyDoo

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Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early
childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the
show was really about. As we've gotten older, it has become more
clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually
doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all
sorts in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop
across the country in their purple and green van solving
mysteries of all sorts -- and in the process meet all kinds of
interesting people.

THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride
around the country in their psychedelic love machine, earning
their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some
old guys mask off to solve a mystery.

It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the
evidence...

Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the
current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair,
but Shaggy is obviously a 'burner', i.e., he smokes marijuana.
Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six
foot hoagie and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally
smoke joints, Scooby gets his 'high' from Scooby-Snacks, which
are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that
matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their
mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so
lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the
stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the
selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the
country (and the world -- they drove to China once). These other
characters do have their own peculiarities however...

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go
'solve the case' by themselves. It's no real mystery what these
two are really doing -- they're getting busy in the back of the
Mystery Machine. Daphne, with her pretty pink legs, and Fred are
constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on
steroids. One thing that remains a mystery though, is why he
always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone's least favorite of the cast, was
of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later
episodes, she was also into beastiality. Where do you think
Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect
English, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world,
slangin' dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and
fucking their dog, while all the while looking for the perfect
'hit'. Oh if we had only known these things when we watched this
cartoon as children...




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